Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell in the Army of God

“How are you?” 

 

“Fine! And you?”

 

“Oh, just fine. Thanks for asking.”

 

Maybe they both just told the truth.  Maybe they both just told what was appropriate for the setting and the depth of the relationship.  But if they are Christians, maybe they just both missed an opportunity to function as members of the Body of Christ.

 

Remember the American military rule for homosexuals in the service – keep it to yourself?  Why? Romantic liaisons between soldiers could create conflict of interest on the battlefield and prevent the unit from functioning as an unbiased team.  This point is arguable.

 

The church is often referred to as the army of God.  But it is not just those who fight with same-sex attractions who have learned to be quiet in many churches.  Believers are not immune to the same myriad of painful struggles and embarrassing failings found everywhere else. The scenarios are all too common. In a pew near you there is probably a man who grapples with alcoholism, or a woman who is addicted to prescription drugs, or a teen girl with an eating disorder, or a young man hooked on pornography.  

 

Just as upsetting, there are people with deep pain from tragic circumstances completely beyond their control. Where does the man go whose wife just told him that she doesn’t love him anymore?  How about the single mother who just got laid off from her job?  What about the woman whose husband beats her but he is a respected member of the community?   Who do you talk to if you find out that your teenage daughter just had an abortion? These issues are not the material for casual conversations.

 

As the church we claim to present limitless redemption and life-changing hope. However, Christians in the army of God are often shut off from that supply line because they find church a place where you best keep a tight lip about unpopular sin struggles and about bottomless pain.  Sometimes subtle and sometimes more direct, the message comes across to people with messy problems that they just need to keep their junk to themselves.  After all, it just isn’t nice to talk about such things. Or maybe worse, who can you trust to not indiscriminately repeat sensitive information?

 

Are we so apathetic that we don’t realize that the condition within the church too often mirrors the decay in the ungodly culture around us?  Are we so spiritually immature that we believe God is winking at our sin? Are we so selfish that we don’t care about deeply bruised people who are silently suffering and fearfully coping in our pews?

 

Sure, I understand that the check-out clerk at the grocery may ask me how I am as a mere friendly conversational gesture. That is definitely not my invitation to describe to her my current heartbreak over a misunderstanding with a dear friend. I am also in no way suggesting that Sunday morning is the time for half the men in the sanctuary to stand up and admit that they were looking at naked women on the internet the night before.  But somewhere between appropriate discretion and foolish exhibition is a balanced place for healthy, honest sharing.  Shouldn’t we be cultivating this kind of safe place within the church community?

 

Let’s not forget that the army of God is also the family of God.  One of the dynamics of a dysfunctional family is the painful secrets that they suffer but dare not talk about with each other nor with anyone else. To be a healthy family, we must make space for sharing each others’ heavy loads. We are admonished to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal.6:2).  While discussing the body of Christ, Paul says, “…and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it…” (I Cor.12:26).

 

I suggest that if we don’t already have a few trusted confidants within the church community, we need to ask God to provide.  Church-based small groups are sometimes a great place to look for healthy friendships within which we can share on a more personal level.  Of course, God is my primary need-meeter.  But I believe He often wants to use others around me in this service and thus enrich both them and me.  We must be wise.  A soldier cut off from his unit is an easier target.  Don’t be that soldier.  And don’t needlessly allow a soldier near you to fall.  We must learn how to contend for one another…together.