Sky-watchers & Bigger Barns (part 1)

 

I never expected to see forty years of age.  No, I have never been diagnosed with a terminal illness.  But I have come to realize that I have lived many years of my life as if there was a death sentence over my head.  The subconscious thought that I would live a very short life was casting shadows on all my plans and hindering my ability to set long-term goals.  And where did this idea come from?  I am embarrassed to confess that I gathered this, in part,  from poor exegesis.  Admittedly, the Christian doctrines taught to me may have been delivered accurately but then warped as they passed through the screen of my own life experiences and personal perspectives.

Actually, it was not so much the idea of dying as the expectation that this life, as we know it, was not going to last much longer.  I refer to the Christian doctrine regarding the Rapture- the soon return of our Lord Jesus to take us with Him to heaven.  This was, and is, a wonderful teaching, presented to me from an early age.  This doctrine brings great joy to many people.  However, it created in me a feeling akin to watching an hourglass with most of the sand already in the bottom.  There is no wonder that I felt this way because this imagery is used at times to illustrate the “end times” or the “last days” as this period in church history is often called. 

Many sermons expound on prophecies being presently fulfilled which could signal the end of this dispensation. Often the ominous tone of such messages is deliberate because the speaker wishes to impart a sense of urgency in the listeners.  They are proclaiming, “Don’t waste another moment; time is running out! Get ready and get others ready for heaven!” Reflecting on these teachings, I felt a deep sense of responsibility over so much yet undone and so little time to do those things that would affect eternity.

This idea was so prominent in my mind that I chose the subject of  “End Time Prophecy” for my senior AP English final term paper.  Our teacher said we could choose any literature that fell within a certain time period. I noted with glee that the specified time frame included the translation of the Bible into English.  

By the way, my subject choice was a “pay-back” to the teacher because she forced me to do my first term paper on The Grapes of Wrath. At the time, I suspected that she wanted this diatribe of ignorant religious people to cure me of my youthful Christian zealousness which she no doubt discovered in my journal.  She bragged openly about knowing all kinds of juicy gossip from reading the journals of seniors.  And she required all her students to keep a personal journal and turn it in periodically “for our development as writers”.  I thought it was really for her snooping pleasure.  But I digress…

I did extensive research for this paper and even my teacher admitted that the list of sources (including many secular news accounts) was quite impressive and the evidence compelling.  She was a pagan, so I was just relieved to get a passing grade for this project. My research confirmed my growing fears; the world was indeed running down, judging by the prophecies already fulfilled versus the ones remaining to be played out.  

I was deeply concerned about all the people around me who were oblivious to their dangerous condition. So many people were living as if this life was all there is and there is nothing more.  Even many Christians seemed to handle salvation as merely fire insurance while this life was the sum total of all their efforts and hopes and dreams for success. This mentality reminds me of a parable which Jesus told in Luke 12:13-21:

“Beware! Guard against every kind of greed. Life is not measured by how much you own. Then Jesus told them a story:

 ‘A rich man had a fertile farm that produced fine crops. He said to himself, ‘What should I do? I don’t have room for all my crops.’  Then he said, ‘I know! I’ll tear down my barns and build bigger ones. Then I’ll have room enough to store all my wheat and other goods. And I’ll sit back and say to myself, ‘My friend, you have enough stored away for years to come. Now take it easy! Eat, drink, and be merry!’  But God said to him, ‘You fool! You will die this very night. Then who will get everything you worked for?’ 

Yes, a person is a fool to store up earthly wealth but not have a rich relationship with God.” (New Living Translation )

I was determined to not be like the selfish barn builder.  Also, I had sincere desire to help rescue others from eternal misery. And, most importantly, I genuinely wanted to please God.  These motives, in combination with the idea that time was quickly running out, caused me to have little interest in plans of a “normal” life- family, successful career, nice retirement. To a great degree my life went into a holding pattern which I was totally unaware of at the time.  I had no idea how much grief these faulty foundations would bring to me later in life.

(to be continued..)

God speaking to me

Last year, just before Thanksgiving, I started practicing what some call “2-way journaling”. This is the practice of taking time to hear God’s voice by quieting oneself, fixing focus on Jesus, tuning into spontaneity and writing. This technique is taught by a gentleman named Mark Virkler.

In hopes of inspiring and/or encouraging someone, I want to share a journal entry from Thanksgiving day last year. Please remember that God is not partial to one above another. So the wonderful promises He spoke to me are equally available to anyone who will seek Him whole-heartedly. Here is the entry:

Nov 27, 2008 Thanksgiving Day

Daughter,
You are My child and that is why I correct you and teach you and train you in the right way to go. I don’t want you to wander around aimlessly and carelessly. You are on My path when you obey Me. You leave the path when you disobey Me, so stay on the path. You give Me joy when you deny yourself to obey Me. My heart sings when you sacrifice to obey.
I still love you when you disobey, but you miss out on my best for you. You give Me glory when you let Me live through you. Don’t depend on your own strength nor your own wisdom; lean on Me. You give Me glory when you live for Me. And I will glorify My name through you if you let Me have My way in and through you. So choose My ways over your ways. Put aside striving and I will lead you. You give Me great joy when you choose to follow Me. Don’t say “I don’t know the way” because I will show you always. I’m not going to leave you wandering in confusion. Let the lamp of My word light the way before you and take one step at a time. I am the lamp, I am the light and I am the way. So keep walking into Me and you will be going the right direction.
Don’t fret little one! I have all power and authority in heaven and on the earth. Not even a sparrow falls without Me knowing about it. I will surely take good care of you. And I will do it My way, not yours. Cease striving and learn to rest in Me. I am still on the throne and above all.
Give Me your heart- all of it! Stop holding back areas you are trying to control. Let Me be in control; I know what I am doing and I can fix what you cannot. Don’t hide from the fear or from the pain. Let me conquer both in you. Then I can send you out to proclaim freedom to captives and to tear down walls which I never built. Give Me your life again; I’m not finished with you. Others may say, “Oh well” but one day I will say “Well done!” I love you more deeply then you will ever know.
I’m not finished with you. I will show you a way which you cannot even imagine. My plans for you are good. Do not be afraid! I do not delight in making you suffer. I am a good Father and I want My children to be well and to be whole. But it needs to be My way, not the world’s way. Give Me your heart and I will heal it My way and in My time.
I am not subject to the whims of mankind. People are shaken but I am never shaken. I am your treasure – you are Mine and I am yours. Kingdoms come and kingdoms go but My kingdom is eternal. Live for that which is eternal. Don’t fear hardship nor difficulty because I will sustain you.
Put aside the distractions. Stop allowing yourself to be diverted from focus on Me. I am here and I am waiting for you to come away with Me. Leave behind the noise of the world and of your own life, and quiet yourself before Me. I have much to show you; I talk to My friends. Won’t you be My friend? I am majestic beyond your understanding but I stoop down to receive you. Make Me your one desire and I will lead you into Me like you never imagined was possible. Lose yourself in Me and find Myself in you.
I receive your worship. I acknowledge your surrender. I will continue to make Myself known to you if you continue to seek Me. I will draw you to Myself and I will never let you go. You belong to Me and I guard that which is Mine.
–my prayer response:
God, fan into flame the love I have for You. Turn it into a raging inferno. The ground in my life feels so dry. So I’ll be the wood. Pour on the gasoline of Your Holy Spirit and set me on fire. Let me burn like the bush before Moses. When I burn with Your Spirit and yet am not consumed, others will take off their shoes because they will experience You after they encounter You in me.

Big Storm Coming

I can see the storm clouds rushing across the sky
Big storm coming

They are dark and beautiful blocking the sun
Big storm coming

A fierce wind is bending the trees and whipping leaves
Big storm coming

I turn my face into the wind and let it sway my body
Big storm coming

Send the rain; send the torrents
Big storm coming

Soak my body and wash my soul
Big storm coming

I stand arms stretched wide and eyes to the heavens
Big storm coming

Wash out the gulleys; cleanse the corners of my mind
Big storm coming

Thunder rumbles and lightning strikes
Big storm coming

Shake me to the depths of my being
Big storm coming

Remind me that You are bigger than everything
Big storm coming

Leave me changed and longing for more
Big storm coming

I fear neither booming thunder nor rushing flood
Big storm coming

Your mighty waters are about to rush over me
Big storm coming

The sons of the wicked will cover their mouths in amazement
Big storm coming

You are about to show off in me
Big storm coming

Great Big God dancing and rejoicing over me
Big storm coming

So let it rain and let it pour; let the heavens roar
Big storm coming

You will find me dancing and singing in the heavy sheets of rain
Big storm coming

I’m not afraid; I will not hide
Big storm coming

Let the storm begin.

Don’t Ask/Don’t Tell in the Army of God

“How are you?” 

 

“Fine! And you?”

 

“Oh, just fine. Thanks for asking.”

 

Maybe they both just told the truth.  Maybe they both just told what was appropriate for the setting and the depth of the relationship.  But if they are Christians, maybe they just both missed an opportunity to function as members of the Body of Christ.

 

Remember the American military rule for homosexuals in the service – keep it to yourself?  Why? Romantic liaisons between soldiers could create conflict of interest on the battlefield and prevent the unit from functioning as an unbiased team.  This point is arguable.

 

The church is often referred to as the army of God.  But it is not just those who fight with same-sex attractions who have learned to be quiet in many churches.  Believers are not immune to the same myriad of painful struggles and embarrassing failings found everywhere else. The scenarios are all too common. In a pew near you there is probably a man who grapples with alcoholism, or a woman who is addicted to prescription drugs, or a teen girl with an eating disorder, or a young man hooked on pornography.  

 

Just as upsetting, there are people with deep pain from tragic circumstances completely beyond their control. Where does the man go whose wife just told him that she doesn’t love him anymore?  How about the single mother who just got laid off from her job?  What about the woman whose husband beats her but he is a respected member of the community?   Who do you talk to if you find out that your teenage daughter just had an abortion? These issues are not the material for casual conversations.

 

As the church we claim to present limitless redemption and life-changing hope. However, Christians in the army of God are often shut off from that supply line because they find church a place where you best keep a tight lip about unpopular sin struggles and about bottomless pain.  Sometimes subtle and sometimes more direct, the message comes across to people with messy problems that they just need to keep their junk to themselves.  After all, it just isn’t nice to talk about such things. Or maybe worse, who can you trust to not indiscriminately repeat sensitive information?

 

Are we so apathetic that we don’t realize that the condition within the church too often mirrors the decay in the ungodly culture around us?  Are we so spiritually immature that we believe God is winking at our sin? Are we so selfish that we don’t care about deeply bruised people who are silently suffering and fearfully coping in our pews?

 

Sure, I understand that the check-out clerk at the grocery may ask me how I am as a mere friendly conversational gesture. That is definitely not my invitation to describe to her my current heartbreak over a misunderstanding with a dear friend. I am also in no way suggesting that Sunday morning is the time for half the men in the sanctuary to stand up and admit that they were looking at naked women on the internet the night before.  But somewhere between appropriate discretion and foolish exhibition is a balanced place for healthy, honest sharing.  Shouldn’t we be cultivating this kind of safe place within the church community?

 

Let’s not forget that the army of God is also the family of God.  One of the dynamics of a dysfunctional family is the painful secrets that they suffer but dare not talk about with each other nor with anyone else. To be a healthy family, we must make space for sharing each others’ heavy loads. We are admonished to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ” (Gal.6:2).  While discussing the body of Christ, Paul says, “…and if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it…” (I Cor.12:26).

 

I suggest that if we don’t already have a few trusted confidants within the church community, we need to ask God to provide.  Church-based small groups are sometimes a great place to look for healthy friendships within which we can share on a more personal level.  Of course, God is my primary need-meeter.  But I believe He often wants to use others around me in this service and thus enrich both them and me.  We must be wise.  A soldier cut off from his unit is an easier target.  Don’t be that soldier.  And don’t needlessly allow a soldier near you to fall.  We must learn how to contend for one another…together.

Sky-watchers & Bigger Barns part 2

As a teenager I put my life in a holding pattern because I believed that time was running out too quickly to make any long-range plans.  I was a bit surprised and encouraged recently to discover that I was not the only one confused in this way.  In one of his books, Dr. Bill Hamon writes:

“…When I first came out of Bible college I expected to be launched into worldwide ministry…I was full of zeal, vision, dedication, and determination. My wrong perception brought pressure and impatience. I, like many other ministers of that time, was convinced that Jesus was coming any moment.  We had no time to waste and I definitely believed that Jesus was going to return before I turned thirty.  We could only think in terms of months, not years. Waiting and patience was not part of our vocabulary then; everything had to be done today because there was not going to be any tomorrow…”

I was like a group of folks who received a stern warning for their preoccupation with watching the sky for Jesus to return.  Paul had written in his first letter to the Thessalonians that they should patiently wait for Christ’s return.  I have heard that some Christians misunderstood that advice and were actually sitting around on their roof-top patios just watching the sky! So Paul had to follow up in his second letter with a warning to not be idle but rather to work while they were waiting.  

However, putting my life on hold because I expected Jesus to return soon wasn’t the biggest problem.  Somehow, I could never make the transition of “Yes, the world is coming to an end, but Jesus is coming back; isn’t that wonderful?”  I experienced a great deal of guilt over my reluctance to change my residence to the heavenly kingdom waiting for me when this earthly existence is over.   I did, and do, sincerely love God.  I simply felt the pressure of the undefined and unfulfilled in my life.  And this in itself was a source of angst which seemed to contain no hope of release. 

On the bright side, I did commit to spend my life, however short it may be, in service to God and His kingdom.  The idea of serving Him whole-heartedly, and also help others do so as well, gave me deep satisfaction. Determined to not be like the “barn builder”, I decided to forfeit a college education because “there is simply too much work to be done”.  Instead, in my early twenties I landed what was a dream job for me.  I went to work on staff at a wonderful Christian residential rehabilitation ministry for broken-hearted women fighting various addictions. 

A wise pastor once stated in his sermon, “Preparation time is not wasted time.”  I only wish that idea had permeated my brain much earlier.  That same pastor also said, “There are two ways to learn: by instruction, or by experience.  And one doesn’t hurt!”  

Ouch! I soon became painfully aware of my limited effectiveness in my dream job.  But much of what I lacked could have been remedied with some focused training.  Unfortunately I had no long-range vision.  So I never made space in my life to consistently take advantage of  training options from which I might have been able to benefit. We’ve probably all heard someone say, “if I had only known at 20 what I know now!”  

Fortunately for me, I am growing in my understanding of God’s grace. Specifically, I am comforted by His infinite ability to do beyond what I can imagine . And He is still patiently and lovingly working His plan in spite of all the side trails I have traveled in trying to follow Him. I walk with a deeper peace about His time table.  I am beginning to get a glimpse of the bigger picture of the kingdom He is building which is beyond the confines of time and space.

 Yes, Jesus could return at any moment and we need to live with a holy reverence towards His sovereign timing.  Remember my research paper?  It was written over twenty years ago.  World events have continued to pile up on the “fulfilled prophecies” side of the equation.  However, we need to balance making the most of every opportunity in the “now” with also preparing for a future as wise stewards over all that has been entrusted to us.  And this certainly includes purposefully using our time to develop our gifts in whatever ways possible to better serve Him.  

So now I am neither busy building more barns nor living on the roof-top with my telescope out.  Instead, I’m seeking and finding ways to be trained in the exercise of my God-given abilities.  And I have come to believe that those  undefined and unfulfilled desires I sensed as a teen were placed in me by a loving God who seeks to give an abundant life to His children. The sense of urgency is no longer a pressure point but rather is balanced by a growing hope in the One who holds time in His hands.

Dream-conception and the Walking Dead

 

A dream, or vision, is one of the biggest differences between the living and the dead. Dreams bring purpose and hope and thus the motivation and clarity to move forward. Without them we’re just breathing- not really living.

Where do dreams/vision come from? I believe they are conceived out of our innermost being. Hence, they are not merely self-derived nor produced in a vacuum. Conception requires intimacy. Who we choose to be intimate with will determine what our baby/our dream looks like.

For instance, we know Martin Luther King Jr. had a dream. His dream included equality among the races. Against horrendous opposition and even to the death, he championed this dream which does, in fact, represent part of the heart of God for mankind. God planted this dream in him. Though we still have a long way to go, the dream which Dr. King conceived brought forth greater racial reconciliation. No one can deny that he left an indelible mark on history as he carried the dream forward.

In contrast, Hitler had a dream, a very dark and sinister dream of racial dominance and annihilation of the Jewish nation. His dream resulted in the unspeakable torture and deaths of multitudes of innocent people whom he deemed inferior. Clearly, his dream was planted in him by Satan himself and was birthed in hell. Hitler conceived and brought forth death.

 

We must never underestimate the power of a dream nor the brevity of our intimacies.

I am deeply concerned with the lack of intimacy with God in our culture and in our time, even among those of us who claim to be devoted to Christ. In my own life, though I’m admittedly technologically challenged, I often spend more time with my computer and other electronic gadgets than I spend seeking the face of God. I eagerly check my mailbox for a new DVD from my movies-by-mail service. I do not go anywhere without my cell phone. How many times do I rush to my online social network seeking someone to interact with and neglect to rush to my place of prayer longing to touch and be touched by God?

Others are focused on professional sports or the rich and famous. Many are married to their vocation, sweating out huge chunks of time chasing that next deal or promotion. Some are investing hours every week in humanitarian, political or religious service. And, of course, there are those who live for five o’clock when they can punch out and go have a beer with their buddies. Also, there are scores of amateur athletes who spend many hours developing their bodies for competition. The variations are almost endless.

Do not misunderstand, I am in no way suggesting that decent movies, online social communities, instant messaging or any of our other technological indulgences are inherently evil. Healthy entertainment, electronic communication and the abundance of instant information can be a good thing. Likewise, a strong work ethic, recreational sports, commitment to personal physical fitness, service to others and even relaxing after work are harmless, even beneficial, pursuits. But where are we devoting our passions? To what or to whom are we giving the lion’s share of our desire and energy? We cannot forget that our passions lead to intimacy. Our intimacies determine the fruit of our life. So what do we do if we realize we have been neglecting intimacy with God and are therefore lacking spiritual vision?

I’m reminded of Abraham’s wife Sarah. She was beyond the age of child-bearing and had been barren even before that. Nevertheless, God promised she would have a son (Gen.11:30,18:11). She laughed because she felt it was too good to be true. After she and Abraham had been longing for many years, God enabled her to conceive and give birth to Isaac, thus fulfilling their dream. God has provided many such examples of people living their dream as they learned to intimately experience and walk with Him.

Would God do any less for us? Are we living out a God-given dream, or are we merely existing? A life barren of dreams is the existence of the walking dead. Because we are created beings, we cannot know fulfillment outside our creator’s unique plans and purposes for us which are planted in us by Him. So may we train ourselves to rush often and stay long in that intimate place with Him. He longs to give us amazing dreams and bring those dreams to pass in our lives.